What size is your life?

I’ve got a paternal birthday looming, and I think my dad’s amply worthy of this gift basket...well, more of a gift bucket, isn’t it? This one’s for the “living large dad,” and I’d say my dad is living about as large as he can these days. Included: a special “proformance” drink, which I believe may be the product with the Jim Beam label in this picture. There’s also some junk food, and man-gear in one of its most popular varietals (BBQ equipment). Everything’s been lovingly hand-arranged in a manner appreciated by those enjoying super-sized living, but you probably already knew that, eh, big guy?

Sentimental Journey

The retro refrigerator rushes you back in time, recalling an era when refrigerators were nothing more than glorified cabinets and food cooling methods basically nonexistent. That’s right, we’ve included absolutely no electricity or any type of cooling device whatsoever, which allowed us to lower our price significantly, meeting the needs of today’s consumers. There’s not even a bowl of ice in there—food may well increase in temperature when placed inside the refrigerator for all we know. There’s lots of shelf space, though. And the product itself is laden with quality, right down to the magnets holding the doors closed, and the little Frigidaire-esque metal insignia on the front. Also, because it’s wood, it’s paintable, so even if your kitchen isn’t pink we’ve got you covered. Orders have been pouring in. Oh, yes, they have.

As the old commercial said...

“Calgon, take me away!” Someone had to take us away. We certainly weren’t capable of much escape. The kids were whining, everyone wanted dinner, there was someone at the door and the phone was ringing…what kind of crazy, multi-tasking Stepford Wife did we think we were, trying to have it all and be it all, attempting to bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan, and never, ever let you forget you’re a man all while looking serene and smelling dishy?

And that was in the 1970s! How much less time do you have now? Studies show you now have significantly less, and that, in fact, your free time is about to be declared an endangered species. So, that long-n-lazy bubble bath is probably out of the question. But you can quickly squirt on the same scent, and hopefully experience the same amount of transport. I’m about to be a heavy user of this product, because I’m about to take a vacation. So, come on, Calgon, let’s see what you got!

How'd they do that?

Not long ago someone told me about Farm in a Jar, with its compelling combination of facts, trivia, games and activities. It sounded like a great present for some of the younger people in my life, many of whom seem not to know things like where food comes from or how to behave in public, although they’re very helpful to have around when the computer breaks. I decided to order one for an upcoming gift-giving occasion.
















Then came the requisite six to eight weeks of down time, during which my mind was all a-flutter, trying to picture as many farm games and facts as I already knew and hoping for more of the same (because farm fun is enjoyable at all ages). You may well imagine my disappointment, then, when instead I received



















fart in a jar! They must have been right beside each other on the shelf, or someone was in a rush, or something. I thought of returning it—unopened, of course—but as it turned out the gift was quite well received.

Why I read the small print

Have you ever shopped at a Sav-A-Lot store? If so, you’ve learned that one of their fun money-saving practices is not offering free bags to customers. Oh, they offer other options: you can pack yourself a shallow box top, purchase a regular issue plastic grocery bag (which feels ridiculous; who would buy one if given the option not to?), or be a green consumer and bring your own bag of choice. Which is what I would have done when I was there the other day, except it was my first time saving a lot, and I did not know about this policy, which resulted in my doing the precarious walk out to my vehicle. And it was a long precarious walk, because these days a lot of us are trying to find ways to cut back on spending.






















But I don’t like being ill-prepared for situations, so next time I’ll be tossing my purchases into a love drawing mojo bag. Besides holding pasta sauce, dog food and toilet paper, it’ll be doing all kinds of positive things for my social life, bringing potential loved ones into my orbit—oh, yes, mmm-hmm, it will indeed, and that’ll be great.

More importantly, though, the mojo bag comes pre-packed with a small amount of special herb. And let me tell you, after a hot afternoon at the crowded Sav-A-Lot store, there’s nothing like getting back home, putting those cheap groceries away, and finding some special herb waiting for you in the bottom corner of the bag. Most people would by-pass this product, believing at first glance that they could easily obtain a less expensive, better-made and more attractive bag for much less money. And they probably could. Maybe that bag would even be better at drawing in love. And yet.