I’ve ushered a new era into my life, and it feels good. After decades of putting up, it was time to do something about all the blowhards, phonies, hypocrites, liars and the horses they rode in on. Got myself a universal bullshit detector watch and I’ve been using it with abandon. There’s a special button on the side; push it and the watch goes about its detecting…and (no surprise here) nine out of ten individuals encountered will tend to be spouting at least a mild yet steady stream of bullshit. And they don’t like being called out by a watch, let me tell you! The indignant looks and responses aren’t for the faint-hearted. I’ve almost had my face slapped by one particularly bullshit-laden individual.
When they get all snotty and haughty, I offer them one of my You Smell Like Bullsht mints before walking away. The truth might hurt, but at least I’ve candy coated it.
