Hands on

Have you ever been playing a card game and suddenly realized you’re having more than a little difficulty holding onto your hand, like someone greased the cards? Perhaps this is because life dealt you a disservice, such as arthritis, trigger finger or the dreaded clumsy gene. It’s rough being one of those all-thumbs types for whom tasks that seem simple to the rest of us—such as shoe-tying, applauding, or card-holding—become daunting, and usually failed, dexterity tests. Or maybe it’s just that you drink too much on poker night. Either way, you can now solve the problem by pretending to have made a stylish choice (a great way to disguise a weakness or impediment of any flavor) with triangle card holders. They really give your game some flair.

And if you really want to trump your poker-playing pals, or that crazy bridge group, get a pair of thermoskin arthritic gloves and use them with the card holders. The gloves trap body heat, which is what gloves do. Trapped body heat, like any other heat, will make your body’s natural healing processes kick into high gear. Yep, it’s that simple. They’re also a lot cooler than Ben-Gay. There’s an authoritative aura about them, a little hint of dominatrix that you’ll probably enjoy. We think Betty, our product model, stole this pair.

Top choice

This is the premium selection, the best of the best, that which stands apart from the crowd and is truly peerless. We guarantee you’ll enjoy it and the warm glow of self-satisfaction that comes from knowing you’ve looked through all the options and culled something unquestionably superior. Make a premium selection today and you won’t regret it tomorrow. We’re not talking about meat.

No, thanks, I just ate

Sick stomach is a kit, but we don’t want to tell you much about what’s inside the yellow box. Rest assured, it’s educational, so you can feel good about letting the kids enjoy themselves. But you might want to keep your distance. This kit allows kids to make their own vomit, explore enzymes, and get a peek at how their digestive systems work – at least the first stage of digestion; we’ll soon be selling Sick Bowels, (the kit!) allowing children to learn more about all the fun that happens after the sick stomach part.

Don’t be surprised if the kids turn out to be a little more scientifically inclined than expected. They also might prove to be rather expert at making their own vomit without the aid of the kit. So, yeah, we’re not really in the mood to talk about what’s in the box, but it’ll be the most popular toy in the house until everyone’s sick of it.

Schwag bags

Every so often it’s a good idea to refresh your supply of plastic bags filled with small things you may or may not ever use, because sooner or later you’ll be relocating, and when that momentous occasion occurs it’s up to you, and only you, to make sure you’ve got lots of stuff. With Old Smokey Electric Smoker Replacement Wood Chips & Grease Absorbents you get two big goodie bags all a-brim with purpose and fortitude. You get both the baggie of wood chips and the baggie of



















cat litter for one low and extremely reasonable price. Order before midnight on Tuesday and we’ll throw in a medium-sized bag of unused Kleenex and a week’s worth of rubber bands at no extra charge. Hand-selected by a carefully trained staff of professionals, Old Smokey schwag is some of the best stuff out there.

Those were the days

Next time you feel like sweatin’ to the oldies, grab your Nostalgic AM/FM Radio. Guaranteed to play only songs recorded before 1959, the radio includes fun vacuum tube lighting for extra-retro effect, and a classy fake burled wood trim, which imparts a hint of yesterday to any item. But best of all, the radio’s analog and has rotary tuning. How many years has it been since you treated yourself to that in-between stations sound, much less to the joys of AM radio? Nostalgic radio is a richly rewarding trip back in time and we urge you to consider packing your bags.