For the rest of us

That’s right, it’s officially Festivus, and a friend sent this lovely card to commemorate today’s celebratory events. We got out the Festivus pole and displayed our feats of strength, after which we were sweaty and agitated, but self-impressed, as usual.

Then we sat down to a Festivus feast (no, it wasn’t roast beast; more like tripe). The annual airing of grievances took much longer than expected. Without subtlety or composure, the penguin parade centerpiece added its inimitable, inevitable presence to the long, drawn-out occasion. No one’s ever too sorry to see this meal end. That’s when we put the centerpiece back into storage until the next year, at which point we greet it with the same blank stare of disbelief. And yet it has somehow weasled its way into our Festivus festivities; you know how family traditions are. Aunt Wanda really likes this thing, but we can never persuade her to let it live at her house.