Now you can quit smoking in 21st century style with the QuitKey Smoking Cessation Computer, which also acts as a classic timepiece/keychain for no additional charge. The device tells you when to smoke and when not to smoke, and keeps track of how many times you’ve lit up during the day. You know what to do when the no smoking sign goes off!
Like many modern devices, the QuitKey computer is programmed with kindness; there’s no need for you to suffer. Simply press the red “emergency cigarette” button any time you’d like to override the no smoking sign. Then hit the purple button, which emits a loud bleating sound, alerting the world that you’ve enjoyed a computer-approved cigarette. The Roman numerals display your current level of lung disease; when and if you ever see the dreaded V, you might as well push both buttons with nicotine-filled abandon, because quitting won’t make any difference.
