Double take/Memory Lane #7

Lazy Sunday afternoons often find me thinking about days gone by; then, as now, there’d often be a football game droning in the background, which meant some of us were going to be very restless without alternative entertainment options. Yesterday I was doing some deep cleaning (someone tell my mother-in-law, please) and found a few of the games that used to enchant us for hours.












Which witch? was so much fun! You tried to get yourself out of the haunted house made of cardboard…it was a “real,” three-dimensional house, crafted with such intricacy that I often found myself feeling as though I were really inside. I guess I was easy that way. Our family always got a little too rough with the whammy ball down the chimney part of the game, and then arguments tended to break out, which means my cardboard mansion is kind of flattened and bent and doesn’t much resemble the cover. I treasure it nonetheless.














And who didn’t love Strolling Bowling? Much to my surprise, this game is still on the market, keeping up with all of today’s fancy electronic devices. Trust me, kids, Guitar Hero has nothing on this game. See, the ball has little feet, and it “walks” over to the pins. Talk about a fast-paced game of skill and action! Plus, get it? Strolling bowling? Great, great game. Kind of. Okay, we never really played with it.

















On the other hand, we were cuckoo for Odd Ogg. You rolled one of the little balls his way, trying to aim beneath him, or at least between his hands. Hit him in the right place and he’d move forward, but if your ball gave him “the bad touch,” he’d move backward and stick out this big red tongue and give you the raspberry. The concept of a toy that would mock you when you made a mistake—why more companies didn’t follow Ideal’s lead will always be beyond me! Playing with Ogg was one of the best rehearsals for real life I ever experienced.

Don't bobblehead me

This bobblehead doll claims to be Darla Hood. You know, Darla from Our Gang/Little Rascals, although facially it's probably equally close to Lucy Van Pelt of Peanuts fame. There’s even a hint of Natalie Green from Facts of Life, isn’t there, around the eyes and nose? And no, I did not know Natalie’s last name offhand; my brother was the big fan of that show, not me, so I gave him a mobile shout out. He’s also an excellent, practically encyclopedic, source of information if you need or want to reminisce about Full House, but he’d never admit that, and you didn’t hear it from me.







I digress, as always. This is the version of Darla they were clearly aiming for, the people at the bobblehead factory. And they at least got her outfit right…sort of. I’d never envisioned this as a teal jumper, but, hey, artistic license, whatever. Still, the doll just doesn't say "Darla," does it? She was way too cute and much too cool to end up as a cheesy bobblehead.

Right, Darla?

Sentimental Journey

The retro refrigerator rushes you back in time, recalling an era when refrigerators were nothing more than glorified cabinets and food cooling methods basically nonexistent. That’s right, we’ve included absolutely no electricity or any type of cooling device whatsoever, which allowed us to lower our price significantly, meeting the needs of today’s consumers. There’s not even a bowl of ice in there—food may well increase in temperature when placed inside the refrigerator for all we know. There’s lots of shelf space, though. And the product itself is laden with quality, right down to the magnets holding the doors closed, and the little Frigidaire-esque metal insignia on the front. Also, because it’s wood, it’s paintable, so even if your kitchen isn’t pink we’ve got you covered. Orders have been pouring in. Oh, yes, they have.

No, they're action figures

We all grew up, and/or continue to grow up, with some inescapable Disney exposure. Available in every conceivable format, Disney products have become one of the most ubiquitous of American icons, exuding an aura of innocence, goodness, and that wonderful blend of enchantment, happiness and oversized eyes that we all enjoy just a little too much for our own good. What’s almost universally overlooked is the fact that Disney, particularly the Disney of days gone by—dirty old keepin’ it real Disney—knew that fun comes in many packages and flavors, not all of them wholesome. Here’s one of my favorite Disney collectibles. It’s Pinocchio having fun with his pal Lampwick. They’ve been smoking stogies, pounding a few brewskis and are currently enjoying a rather messy game of pool. Sure, Lampwick eventually got turned into a jackass for behavior such as this, but the story’s not named for him, is it?

Astro-tastic/Memory Lane #6

There was a time when all a toy had to do to be cool/fun was sound as though it had something to do with outer space. We were convinced that we’d grow up to be astronauts because by the time we got out of the jet age, we’d all be doing our share of interplanetary traveling. Everyone knew that. It was going to be really cool.

Astro Launch was a much-loved game. You’d pull your little knob to pop the die, and if you rolled a lucky number you could take a short cut across the cosmos.


















Then there was Astrolite (yes, from the fun folks who brought us Lite Brite), which allowed us to build glowing futuristic cities. And if you spun the wheel, color came out to play. Who didn’t enjoy that?

The beloved Astroray gun, with its spark and friction power, not to mention an ultra-modern triangular box, was the favorite toy of millions. Who knew what kind of giant shuttlecocks might be racing around the galaxy? Plus, cats hated it, which provided many additional hours of astral enjoyment.

Games of bang and bash/Memory Lane #5

Before there were video games not many toys allowed children to vent their frustrations, unlike now, when they can wage war on an untold number of enemies with a great deal of bloodshed and gore, to their unending satisfaction and glee. But, believe me, kids were just as mean and violent back in the day, and so games like these were especially popular.













Bang Box was great. You put some balloons in the box labeled “danger explosive,” then hammered nails into them until they burst. And if you were a girl, you screamed in that shrill, high-pitched ear-piercing way each time you made contact with a balloon. Usually our mom would take this game away after only a few rounds.

Bash! was also a real knockout, as the package advertises. The commercial really made you want to play it, too. You’d stack disks of plastic between this poor man’s head and feet and take turns hammering at them, trying not to make the entire stack fall.

If you had both games, and at least one sibling, that means you had two plastic hammers; forget the games themselves. And we weren’t little sissies wearing protective gear or helmets, nor did we have any rules about not hitting above the waist. The hammers might not look like much, but they packed a wallop, especially on the still-forming skulls of the youngest players.

Games of skill and action/Memory Lane #4

Remember Air Trix? You got a Styrofoam ball, and had to keep it suspended in an “airstream” that came from your battery-operated air gun. You maneuvered your way through an exciting and challenging obstacle course and then you went out and got a bowl cut. Good times!

There was also the Balancing Clown, “the game of high wire action.” The spinner would tell you which way to move the clown (why so many options with only two directions? I was never sure either). It was your job to navigate Mr. Creepy Clown on his journey from one end of the wire to the other, then to knock down your opponent’s flag. But I’m assuming you and your opponent both had sticks, no? That’s how we played it, and we didn’t exactly take turns; it was more of a free-for-all stickfest. Either way, the clown was so spooky I rarely had the guts to play this game unless an adult was around. This starry-eyed big-smiler and his plaid pants still haunt some of my worst dreams.

















I simply adored Crossfire, the fastest rapid-fire action game ever. You used a gun to fire ball bearings at pucks, thereby scoring goals. But who ever bothered aiming at the pucks? Not me! Basically, this was our parents’ way of giving us carte blanche to shoot little guns at each other, and we needed no further encouragement. I’m going to have to find another one of these, because I’m getting all misty-eyed remembering the hours of fun and bruises we got out of this.















One of many peoples’ favorites (not mine, though) was the Famous Flying Floogle in his whip flying plane. Boy, you could really hurt someone with this, that’s all I can say. I still sport a rather large-ish Floogle scar on my right temple. The person who put it there knows who she is and should still be on guard, because one of these days I will have my revenge, and it will be sweet. Maybe after I find a replacement Crossfire game…

I'm a driver/Memory Lane #3

Something about a rainy Saturday afternoon always takes me back to childhood. (Or possibly it was that spritz of Happy Childhood Memories breath spray I took a little while ago.) I’m missing some of the vehicular toys of my youth, such as the Car-Plane. You could sit quietly in the back seat and learn to be a pilot, making the plane climb, dip and dive, looking at both the plane’s action and your ultra-modern remote control. See how the plane yearns to join those in the sky? Kind of a lot of symbolism for a kid’s boy box. I’m glad I saw it differently back then.

And it really was perfectly safe, as long as you were inside the car, and the windows were rolled up, as shown. Maybe not so safe for pedestrians or if you let it fly in the window, as I often did.




















Here’s a close-up. Yeah, that’s what a remote control used to look like, and it was attached to the object it controlled—a heavy-handed version of remoteness, but it felt very jet-age and cool at the time. Interesting that we had remote controls for toys way before anyone thought about using them for TVs.












Another way to have fun in the car (or at home, as the box so aptly reminds us) was with this just like real Kiddee Drivette car seat with driver training wheel. The strange, Baby Huey-esque outfits were sold separately, but were not optional. This was all right for back-seat play, but I always got really embarrassed when other kids saw me sitting tall in my oversized baby-seat and huge dress, turning the corners along with Mom. But the idea has stuck around, as anyone who’s seen the Simpson’s opening sequence can attest. We should still insist that kids wear hideous clothing while learning how to drive. What’s sauce for the goose!

Here’s the car-related childhood toy that breaks my heart. Why did we ever let it go by the wayside? I want to bring this one back, immediately:





















Oh, Buddy L, where are you now, with your quarter-a-gallon gas, including all taxes? I’d give just about anything to encounter you again. I love you, Buddy L! If you can't make it here, at least give me an address and I’ll visit. Double pinky swear.

Sounds good to me/Memory Lane #2

Back when we were kids things were so much simpler. Manufacturers knew our still-forming, often-distracted brains were twice as likely to want toys if we could remember what they were called. As a result some of us grew up with wonderful toys whose rhyming, singsong titles were often half the fun. Everyone wanted to play with















Feeley Meeley, “the game that gives you a funny feeling.” Note that the game is appropriate for ages eight to adult, because once you hit eight you’re always ready for a funny feeling. The blond man on the box seems to be really enjoying his funny feeling, doesn’t he?













Who could forget Pretzel Jetzel, “the jet-age pretzel making toy”? Makes me feel sorry for kids who don’t get to make their own pretzels. In fact, I don’t see many food-making toys in today’s world. Where are the Easy-Bake ovens, the chocolate factories, the













Big Burger Grills? I guess once we got out of the jet age kids just started making their own food instead of playing with food-making toys. How unfortunate!

Sorry, got off topic. I’m blown away by the Big Burger Grill. It’s a good thing I didn’t know these existed when I was young, because I never would’ve stopped begging for one.





















Back to the rhyming toys of yesteryear. Many little girls wanted Rings ‘n Things, which allowed us to fill the house with the smell of burning plastic and to wear the very un-jewel-like results. We were adored, adorned, scorned, and sometimes scarred. It was the best.




















And for the boys, Rock ‘em Sock ‘em Robots. This one’s still on the market, popular after all these years. We all know why, too: knocking your opponent’s block off is simply full-fledged no-holds-barred fun for all ages. Plus, it’s fun to say Rock ‘em Sock ‘em. Bet you just said it.




















Let’s not forget the Sooper Snooper, which allowed us to spy over walls, behind ourselves, and in any other direction, while remaining cleverly camouflaged to avoid detection. Too bad we couldn’t stop giggling, which usually gave us away. Then some of us got a little older and found exciting and wonderful new uses for the Sooper Snooper, didn’t we?













There was also bango! bango!, the game that was not too hard and not too easy, a porridge-like just right. Even a three year old could tell Santa he wanted this toy. You always hear people saying, “They don’t make ‘em like they used to.” To that I’d like to add, “They don’t name ‘em like they used to, either, and it’s a damn shame.”

Toys in the attic/Memory Lane #1

Let's take a little trip back in time, and remember some of the great toys of our youth, shall we?

Check it out! A vintage toy with twice the power of the Airzooka. You can play fast! And notice the package says it uses free air. Man, were those the days, or what? Is it just me, or do most of the fun games shown on the top of the box look extra-phallic?

Check out this old Mattel toy! Talk about pre-PC days. It's for all ages, because insanity knows no boundaries. Bats were in my belfry by the time I was about 6.

And don't you love how this old battery-operated boat has an automatic bailer? The folks at Ideal knew the thing wasn't going to stay afloat, but they had good intentions; they were Idealists.

Why didn't I ever get this for Christmas? Really, no need for the past tense. I still want this for Christmas. I'm sure there's no expiration date on the box.

And why didn't you ever get this? Talk about a box o'fun! "Cycle zips through gate and cop goes flying." "Cop flies out of chimney." When we were kids, game manufacturers knew what was good, clean fun: hitting cops with motorcycles that we could steer ourselves. Why we ever gave that up is beyond my ken.

A fabulous gift for any child on any occasion. I'll never forget receiving a package of puffing smoke cigarettes at my first communion.

Another perfect boy-toy (complete with rock quarry and rocks!) It even won a merit award! And it blows up everything harmlessly! I really don't think one could ask for much more than that from a toy. There are many things I'd like to blow up harmlessly. Don’t even know where to start. This is the junior version; I hope there was a senior dynamite blaster.

Wow, this really makes me want to be a kid again!