Transformational breath spray

Long-awaited, never underrated, often debated, for-greatness slated, this is Understand Your Mother Instantly breath spray. Instantly! You’ve tried to understand her for how many years, now, and haven’t even come close. But soon the bonding can begin. Order early; we’re almost always out of stock due to incessant demand. While you’re waiting, why not refresh your breath and expand your horizons in other ways?

Look And Feel Canadian Instantly breath spray! It’s a-boat time, eh? And as the packaging says…succumb to the fantasy. You know, that “I want to be Canadian” fantasy shared by millions.

Or maybe this is more your kind of thing:

Instant Irish Accent breath spray. Especially popular on St. Patty’s Day, but your loved ones will appreciate hearing a bit o’the brogue on a daily basis. Re-enact the old Irish Spring commercials, or ask for your Frosted Lucky Charms without sounding like you’re trying too hard. Better yet, if you already have an Irish accent, this spray will make you sound like you’re from Brooklyn!

Wash Away Your Sins breath spray is the perfect stocking stuffer, a wonderful gift for office mates and acquaintances, something no one should ever be without. Forget all those instant sanitizers; today’s lifestyle requires internal cleaning. Just because it’s a dirty, rotten world doesn’t mean you have to join the fray. As the package says, it’s “for liars, cheaters and wrong-doers.” If you don’t fall into one of those categories, you probably also understand your mother, freak.

Here we have the feel-good choice amongst transformational breath sprays. Happy childhood memories bring out the best in everyone. You know how you sometimes have great moments and think, “I wish I could bottle this so it would last forever”? Well, someone has finally done just that, at least for the great times you had when you were a kid. It’s funny, but after years of experimentation we are still unable to perfect the formula for Instant Happy Adolescent Memories breath spray, or one that works for any of the following stages in life. But you can regress, so who cares?

Transformational breath spray, because products need to do double-duty if they’re going to survive the economic downturn we’re facing. And when you have to start cutting back on the big stuff, won’t it be comforting to know you can spray yourself some happy childhood memories and escape for a few? Yeah, that’ll be nice.