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It’s always fun to start out a new year hoping things are going to be different in a better sort of way. For at least a week we’re usually full of resolutions and aspirations, welcoming positive change and temporarily sloughing off bad habits. Making it all a little easier is the good karma medium wand (karma is no longer good in large wand formats). The wand influences certain planets in thrilling and unknown ways, creating a “positive bubble” around the wearer. (Instructions on the proper wearing techniques for wands not included.)
The manufacturer also sells acceptance wands, courage wands and attraction wands in the standard medium size. The clarity, confidence and communication wands, on the other hand, can be purchased in large sizes. Fearlessness and forgiveness are also available in large, whereas the happiness, hope, inner peace and letting go wands don’t come in anything larger than medium. But they're the experts, these wand makers, and they know without the slightest doubt how much of these qualities to impart upon their products. So, for 2009, we’re going with the medium amount of good karma and a large side of fearlessness and hoping for the best.
Always dreaded and never fun, house cleaning is still mostly considered women’s work, as much as we’ve tried to share the joy. Lucky for us, the manufacturers of house cleaning products know their audience, and are willing to offer us lots of fun wand products, which we apparently cannot get enough of. Here’s the ultra violet sanitizing wand…ribbed for your sanitization.
Toilet scrubbing can also be wand-tastic. Pretty soon someone clever is going to start calling vacuum cleaner handles wands, opening up a whole new realm.
Until then, we’re especially fond of this wand. Not only does it squirt soap, but it has a unique sponge head. Ladies, that kind of wand action is sure to bolster your enthusiasm for bringing spotless shiny cleanliness to your humble abode. And, yes, refills are available, and sold separately, as is the custom.
Another intriguingly shaped wand product, this one allowing women to make their clothes smell like a French lavender field in full bloom—a scent that’s highly alluring to women. Maybe not so much for men, who tend to say it reminds them of their grandmothers. The wands are bunches of real lavender delicately interwoven with ribbon, hand-assembled by very clever French goats, who occasionally nibble at the profit margins. Hard to blame them, though. This lavender smells great—just like maracas!
Here’s a product that takes facial care to an expansive cerulean plateau. It firms your “lazy skin.” That’s right, you’ve got lazy skin; it’s not that you’re getting older and losing collagen, despite what they said on “Body In Numbers.” It’s that your skin has decided it’s break time and is slacking, slouching and slinking its way downhill. Fast.
Plug this in and you’ll be back on track in no time. The Derma Wand is capable of an astounding 114,000 cycles per second; cycling has proved to be one of the best ways to get your lazy skin off its fat ass and back into shape. It’s like a facial spinning class.
When you’re done exercising that lazy skin, give it a spritz with the Derma Vital Hydrating Skin Mist, which is a “pure, mineral and chemical free water” specifically prepared for use with this product, completely unlike the pure, mineral and chemical free water you might drink or bathe in. You’ll be dewy, radiant and possibly wondering why so many women’s products are called wands. And do they all have to look like vibrators?
