You probably know just the person for this costume, right? It’s that friend of yours who ends up looking this way after most parties, except that usually he doesn’t wear white.
Check out the rear view. This is such a great costume. All you need to do is practice walking as though you don’t want the pants to touch your skin anywhere. (Accomplished easily if you wear shoes that hurt.) I love that the pants seem slightly too short, are completely devoid of style, and appear to be made of some really transparent material that clings unattractively. Be sure to wear underwear that’s very visible beneath the pants, and to keep pulling the pants up so that the elastic waistband is as high as you can bear.
To accessorize this costume, wear a shirt with a pocket in it (since the pants appear to be pocket-free). In that pocket, you’ll have
your sweet, sweet tube of chicken poop lip junk. It doesn’t really contain chicken poop or any other kind of poop, but with this outfit no one will believe that. Re-apply frequently throughout the evening, pointing out to anyone within earshot that this poop comes from free range chickens, while licking your lips enthusiastically, and giving your pants a little hoist.
If your shirt pocket’s big enough, throw in a
fart whistle and give it the occasional toot. You might not win the best-prize costume, you may be asked to walk home, but you will make an indelible impression.
