Every woman harbors the secret fear that one of these days she’s going to look in the mirror and realize she’s become the crazy cat lady in her neighborhood. Why is this concept so clichéd and omnipresent? There are plenty of old men who live alone with lots of animals and rarely get dressed, but they don’t elicit much commentary. Somehow, it’s a girl thing. And let’s face it, ladies: one in five of us has a fairly decent chance of becoming a bona fide CCL. Now there’s a way to get used to the idea first, play around with the concept, give the whole lifestyle a bit of a trial run: by purchasing the Crazy Cat Lady action figure! (If you really want to go all out, pair this with the Tub o’Flying Cats. Maybe that will give you pause. Or paws.)
If, after several months of highly enjoyable play-acting, the action figure seems to be sadly lacking in feline companions and you find yourself contemplating the purchase of a second action figure so that the first has more cats, congratulations! You’re almost certain to embrace the crazy cat lady concept wholeheartedly. (In which case, think how cool it will be to have a doll of yourself; there aren’t many with that distinction. If you look a little like an aging Paul Stanley, the resemblance will be eerily uncanny.)
Maybe you'd prefer the OCD action figure. He comes with his own sanitary towelette, gloves and surgical mask so he can remain almost as pristine as he'd like to. Then he can start counting, and doing things like turning the lights off the proper number of times before he leaves the house.
His packaging includes both a daily schedule and some questions to ask yourself about OCD. You can play and self-diagnose simultaneously.
How about the Albert Einstein action figure? Yeah, we know, most of Albert's action was internal and brain-driven, but he's more active than you might think, and a wizard on the dance floor.
Sigmund Freud is also an unlikely choice for an action figure, but when he catches sight of the Crazy Cat Lady and the OCD guy, he's more than ready for action.
How about the librarian action figure? Unlike the aforementioned action figures, this lady actually has some moves. Well, one move. If you push a button in her back she makes a shushing gesture. She also comes with a neat little pile of books with titles like Bulgarian Flax and Devil's Dictionary. This librarian, like most, is more than she appears to be.
The Moses action figure, complete with staff and ten commandments tablets. Isn't it nice how whomever makes these action figures has selected the crème de la crème of humankind for us to play with?
Such as the beloved lunch lady. Not only is she an action figure, but she comes with her own steam table, and nine stickers representing deliciously nutritious cafeteria meals, such as overcooked hot dogs and something called cook's choice (usually served at the end of the week). She's a credit to her people, and a much-needed addition to the action figure genre.
