Lack of burger standardization need no longer be an item on your pet peeve list. With Adjust-a-Burger, you can turn out consistent, identical burgers of any thickness or weight. Make Junior’s a quarter-pounder with cheese. Dad might want something a little bigger than that. Also consider the thin-type of burger available at most fast food joints, capable of being fully overwhelmed by even the wimpiest bun. Now you can finally have those at home!
Maybe you’re lacking the basic hand-eye coordination and mental judgment needed to form a patty into a vaguely specific shape and size. It can be your little secret! Or maybe we’re way off base. Let’s say you’re perfectly capable of that, but so emphatic about exact measurements that perfect circles and uniform thickness are of paramount importance to you when it comes to food. None of this shapeless randomness for your plate—why do you think they’re round, after all? Or perchance you don’t like handling raw meat and think this will help (not much, when you think about it). We’ve got you covered either way.
Needless to say, like any good 21st century product, Adjust-a-Burger easily adapts to other foods, creating uniform patties of crab, tuna, salmon, turkey, chicken, steak, pork chops, and even members of other food groups (produce is the weak link here). Try making a perfect circle of scrambled eggs (okay, we haven’t been too successful with that one either, or with circular salads, but we’ve made ice cream sandwiches that were a beauty to behold). Use it as a cookie or biscuit cutter, a serving device (my family always appreciates a perfect circle of mashed potatoes or rice plated next to their regulation-weight burgers), or as an attractive method of serving or storing smaller foods like wedding mints. It’s all the things you need in a circular shape and then some.
My brother: Vis-à-vis the Dial-a-burger, I used to have a big mayo jar lid that I (had to) use for that purpose, at work. Sadly, we could only make 6 oz. burgers with it.
Back in those days (of uniform, though unadjustable) burgers only needed to be one size. And we liked it.
Not like these pampered brats of today. And nobody would have been so frivolous as to even consider OTHER circular food items. Ever. This product represents the decline of civilization as we know it.
I wish I had one.
