Back in pre-GPS days, mariners used sextants to determine their position as they roamed the seven seas. All they had to do was measure the altitude of the sun, the moon, or a prominent star, then look up the resulting coordinates in a nautical almanac, and they could pinpoint their location with a relatively high degree of accuracy. More recently, GPS devices, maps and simple common sense have been the most popular ways of determining one’s position on the face of the earth, but why be part of the madding crowd? Show ‘em your individuality with a pocket sextant, which says, “I’m a Renaissance kind of guy,” or “I’m comfortable in my own skin,” or at least “I don’t care how my pants hang.”
Please note: this pocket sextant has not been calibrated and is not intended for navigational purposes. So, don’t tell anyone. In fact, don’t even tell them it’s primarily a nautical device. Just walk around, being your cool, uniquely individual self, and whip this out every once in a while, peering through its eyepiece and nodding knowingly. The multitude of protruding parts leaves most people overwhelmed by an intense weariness. “What’s that? It looks too complicated,” they think, and they’re right. But since it doesn’t really work, who cares? The point is to make you seem complicated, and if you walk around with this in any of your pockets, that goal will be accomplished. Nautical almanac not sold, because, for the third time, this thing isn’t in working order. Besides, if you have both the sextant and the almanac, you kind of look like you’re taking it too seriously. So stick with just the sextant. It imparts that gadget-y masculine funk every guy secretly covets, and is a fantastic conversation starter. We’ll leave the navigating up to you; you really do know your way around.
