The leather cell phone holster (available with personalization), because a fanny pack looks gay and outdated. And throwing a phone in your pocket isn’t good enough for the likes of you, plus it’s a little too casual an approach for your tastes. A phone holster, on the other hand, imparts a hint of the old West, a touch of cowboy cool, to any look. No, it doesn’t look like a man purse! Okay, maybe a little, but it’s not, so stop saying that. It’s a holster! I ordered mine with the word “holster” printed on it instead of my initials, because that seemed like a great idea at the time. And I might be in the market for a pair of spurs if the holster turns out to be as life-altering as I expect.
The leather tripod stool provides comfortable seating (for those in the 120-pounds-and-under group) with a touch of leathery class. Next time you’re in a long line, whip out your portable leather lounger and don’t even try to ignore the envious glances of those around you. Walking around with a big lawn chair gives one a homeless, passé look that no one much likes, whereas it’s a proven fact that people are drawn to leather, and to sitting. Perfect for the obvious uses—outdoor events, concerts, parades, firework displays, crowded buses—it’s also great at imparting just the right amount of sarcasm when someone’s holding you up a little longer than necessary. Try it and see.
A dozen leather roses, just because we care. If you think women get mawkishly sentimental when given flowers, wait ‘til you see the look on your gal’s face when you pair the romance of roses with the sturdy masculinity of leather. This photo does no justice to the product, by the way. These roses are monumental. Try not to let it bother you when she decides to replace the ugly dated wooden vase. You don’t really like it either. Leather is the traditional gift for third wedding anniversaries, so all you newlyweds out there: heads up!
The inimitable leather flyswatter. Blood and fly guts create mesmerizing, Rorschach-test-like stains on the leather, and that’s cool. Used with enough precision, the swatter maintains an accurate count of how many flies you’ve dispatched while adding to the overall effect of your leather-clad tough-guy exterior. And then there’s that leather smell. It’s damn near irresistible, especially after you hear the really bad-ass sound it makes when you hit someone with it.
With all this leather you know you're going to need a personalized branding iron. I want one so much it’s making me feel slightly sick to my stomach. When you add up all the things you want to take a hot branding iron to, it’s mind-boggling. Everyone will know what’s yours, from the food on your plate to the backside of the little lady who cooked it. The sound and aroma of hot metal searing into any substance, particularly flesh, turn out to be relatively addictive, and we just know you’ll be dreaming up many inventive uses for this little sizzler. Purchase any three items and we’ll throw in the branding iron for half price, while supplies last.
